UNC Students Celebrate Win Over Duke in Traditional Fashion, COVID Police Immediately Outraged, Demand Virtual Classes

CHAPEL HILL – Tom Brady won the Super Bowl; Tar Heels rushed Franklin Street after beating Duke; sports fans could be excused after this weekend for thinking things were kind of, well, normal.

Alas, reality bites. Tom Brady is being called racist for winning his seventh ring during Black History Month, and the students who rushed Franklin Street are being scolded as reckless, selfish, pigs who must not care if people to die of COVID.

Indeed, ‘hundreds’ of complaints flooded in after a few thousand coeds broke draconian social distancing restrictions to revel in their victory over the Duke Blue Devils in a famous traditional celebration on Franklin Street. The COVID police were aghast that the students so lacked empathy and discipline as to knowingly endanger their own and others’ lives in the face of the worldwide virus with 99+ percent survival rate.

From ABC11:

“Some UNC-Chapel Hill classes have the option to go virtual for nearly two weeks after university officials received hundreds of complaints following Saturday night’s crowd that rushed Franklin Street.

The timing of last night’s crowd flooding Franklin Street fell the weekend before students returned for in-person learning for the spring semester.

“Student Affairs has already received hundreds of Student Conduct complaints. Those leads will be evaluated and students found to have violated our COVID-19 Community Standards will be subject to developmental or disciplinary action,” Chancellor Kevin Guskiewicz and Provost Bob Blouin wrote in a joint statement on Sunday. […]”

For this sacrilege, university administrators will not only allow classes to remain virtual for an extended time, but officials will also hunt down and punish the students that dared jump up and down in the street with their peers.

This isn’t a farce. It’s not some satirical Bablyon Bee headline. This is the world we’ve created with Pandemic Panic and collectivism. The university is ‘working with local authorities’ to identify the perpetrators and ‘pursue consequences.’

Serious ones.

“[…] “Following the rushing of Franklin Street, Guskiewicz promised an investigation in coordination with local authorities to ‘pursue consequences.’

ABC11 learned that consequences could include removal or dismissal from the university and disenrollment in in-person classes. […]”

Imagine getting kicked out of UNC because you rushed Franklin Street after beating Duke?

Then, imagine it’s because of a collective hysteria, with the least possible grounding in reality, about a virus. A virus that is moderate to inconsequential for the VAST MAJORITY of people, and has a 99+ percent survival rate. A virus that presents the same logical balancing of freedom versus public health considerations as does the flu.

Now, imagine thinking that this is all utterly ridiculous puts you in the minority.

And you almost thought things felt a bit….normal.

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